Dear Robotek Pay-Bitches

I just have a few questions for you. Why do you pay Hexage money? Is your self esteem SO low, that somehow paying money to gain an edge in a mobile video game gives you an ego boost?

What is the point of even playing a game, when you know that it is only negligibly competitive, and that the main reason you win many rounds, is because you paid to win?

To me, paying a sleazy company like Hexage in order to win one of their games, is nothing but an outright admission to being a complete loser.

Time and time over, non-payers see that their [paying] opponents’ hacks are 3 – 4 times more successful, their blasts do more damage, and they roll 3 times as many triples. However, the funny thing is that these jacked up paying customers are very often terrible at the game, and even with their huge advantage, they still very often lose.

If someone could clue me in on why they feel compelled to pay money to win a game, I’d be overjoyed to hear any explanation.

Hack Failed

If you are a non-paying customer, you have no doubt noticed in Robotek multiplayer that you see this message a LOT. So often, that it soon becomes pretty humorous. Add to that the frequency with which the enemy is able to succeed repeatedly, even with single hacks. To add even more to that humor, you could try reading the so-called strategy guide at hexage.net.

David Peroutka, you are the epitome of what it means to be a dickhead.

Hexage – The Algorithm Of Faggotry And Fail

One thing that stands out about Hexage, is how they have adopted faggotry as the algorithm used in their game mechanics.

Continuing to use multiplayer mode in Robotek as an example, anyone who has played this game much (and has not done any in-app spending) knows that most of one’s losses come from matches in which one had no chance, or nearly no chance. One thing that is consistent, is that your paying opponent’s hacks will often be something like twice as successful as yours. Their robots will frequently power up more quickly than yours. They will most generally roll around twice as many triples as you.

All of this can also be true from time to time for non-paying opponents, but that won’t be nearly as consistent. At the same time, you will also find that off and on you yourself will roll trips out the ass, and hack your opponents bots with ease. But again, take note that this will far more commonly take place when your opponent is not a pay-bitch.

The idea behind all of this faggotry is very, very clearly to get you to give Hexage some cash, or for you to just get used to being taken down a half-dozen notches semi-regularly. It’s your punishment for not paying up.

A few final notes: Watch where your droids shoot. You will notice that your droids, when fighting pay-bitches, will often do things like fire at a ‘heroic tankbot’, despite the fact that your opponent has 2 plain old droids, each with an energy level of 4. Lastly, take note of what happens when you fire lightning bolts (whatever they’re called) at your opponents bots. Especially with pay-bitches, you’ll find that when s/he gets new bots, the bots you immobilized will magically be the same bots that are then replaced. This is often even the case if all three of your opponents bots had been zapped. (Your enemy will also often roll a triple in this situation, too.) Compare this to how often things work out that way for you. 😀

When paired with the simple-minded masses, it’s a great plan.

Don’t believe Hexage’s page of tips for the game, Robotek is rigged.

Pay-To-Win

What must be wrong with someone to make a person so desperate as to feel the need to pay cash (and to keep paying), in order to win a video game?

Also, what must be wrong with a game company (like Hexage), that would possess them to release a “free” game, with paid in-app power-ups, to hate their non-paying customers so much?